


Letters, Unsent

by EmJ93



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmJ93/pseuds/EmJ93
Summary: The Watcher and Aloth both have a habit of writing letters that they will never send. Some mutual pining as the pair of them try to work out their feelings for one another.





	1. Chapter 1

Dearest Aloth,

Although I know that this letter will never make it to you, that I will likely never gather the courage to present it to you, or even to push it under your door, or into your pack one night while you sleep; I am writing it still, as there are there are many thoughts that I need to express, and I never seem able to find the words when you are near.

I am glad to have you back at my side. I should have said this to you when we reunited, but once I had figured out how best to express the sentiment, the moment to do so had passed, and I was uncertain of how to bring the topic back around. I missed you dearly when you were gone. While I know that it was what you needed to do, and I would never have dreamed of trying to stop you from following your own path, there was most certainly something missing in my life without you there. I do very much wish that you had written to me, even just once, in the years that we were apart, and I have to admit to feeling somewhat hurt that you never did. I had already realised, you see, long before you ever parted my company back at Caed Nua, quite how dear to me you really were- how precious to me you still are, in fact- and that lack of communication felt to me to be a clear rejection, and broke my heart in two. 

But that time has long since passed, and any hurt that may have still lingered was long ago chased away by common sense. After all, how could you reject me when I have yet to make my feelings known? 

I do hope you still think of me as a friend. You said to me once that I was your dearest friend, and I’ll admit that it made me happier than it should have; it would mean the world to me if you still felt that way. You are most certainly still mine. My friend, that is. Or, at least, I am trying my hardest to still think of you that way. From the moment that you came into my life once more, I have been having the most complicated thoughts. I have remembered, you see, just how wonderful you are. Smart, brave, and so incredibly strong. You were always all of these things, but now I can see how much you have grown over the past few years and I am all the more proud and in awe. I catch myself, sometimes- last thing at night before I fall asleep, or in the quiet moments early in the morning when the world has still yet to wake- thinking of you. Listing all of the things about you that I love.

That’s what I’m trying to say, I suppose; that I love you. That I have for quite some time, in fact. I had thought that those feelings had left me long ago, and yet they resurfaced stronger than ever the moment I saw your face once again. I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved any lover I have had, and yet I have not the faintest clue whether you have similar feelings for me. 

It doesn’t really matter in the end, I suppose. Even if I one day figure out how to tell you all of this; to tell you how precious and important you are to me, or how desperately I want to show you that you are worthy of love; I don’t require you to return my feelings. While it would most certainly make my heart sing with joy if you were to care for me too, it is quite enough for me to get to be near you, and to have you at my side once again. So long as you allow me to be a part of your life, darling, even as friends, so that I can continue to watch you find yourself and make your mark on the world, that will be more than enough.

Always yours (even if you have yet to realise it),

Ariela 


	2. Chapter 2

Ariela,

Though I know I never sent a single one of them, believe me when I tell you that this is most definitely not the first letter that I have penned to you in the five years since we were last acquainted. It was cowardly, perhaps, to keep them to myself instead of sending them to you, but every time that I was faced with that decision, it seemed to me to be the best thing to do.

You are my dearest friend. And it is because of how special you are to me that I thought it best to keep my distance from you these last few years. You had a castle to run and a daughter to raise, and I couldn’t help but think that any connection to me might only serve to complicate those matters. It would be safer, I had thought, to tuck those letters that I had written you, still unaddressed, into the back of my grimoire for safe keeping, than it would be for me to send them, and in so doing make it possible for The Leaden Key- or any other such nefarious group- to intercept them. The last thing that I wanted was for trouble to find you, when you had finally found the home that I know that you deserve.

And yet trouble found you anyway, as I suspect it has a habit of doing.

Travelling in your company again is strange. It had not occurred to me just how deeply I had been missing you until you were there again in front of me, and now I sometimes find myself wondering just how I managed without you for so long.

It is not just your unshakeable confidence that I had been missing- while I admit that I have always been envious of your seemingly other-worldly ability to always know the right thing to do, I have actually determined that it is your smile that I have missed the most during our time apart. You have a natural ability to brighten any room, and I have to admit that my world has seemed a little darker without having you there to share your light. And, I must also admit, it is rather nice to have someone who will side with me against Iselmyr once again.

I have been thinking about you a lot of late. I hope that you are doing alright after everything that happened back at Caed Nua. You didn’t seem to wish to discuss it, and I understand the desire to want to keep the details of one’s less pleasant life experiences to one’s self, but I do hope that you know I am here for you if you ever wish to talk.  ~~I miss our talks.~~

Perhaps one day soon we could find some time to spend an afternoon together? It is a selfish request, I know, and you have much more important things that require your attention, but I remember how much you enjoyed our study sessions back in the Dyrwood  ~~and I would very much enjoy the opportunity to spend more time with you~~. I am very impressed to see that you have taken up arcane studies in our time apart; your magic is quite  ~~beautiful~~ impressive,  ~~just like you~~ , and there are a number of books that I would like to recommend you, which I am sure you will find most enlightening. 

~~I do not quite know how to express this, Ariela, but I think the world of you, and I truly missed you more than I can say.~~

~~I am glad that you found your way back into my life.~~

~~I~~

~~I think that I might think of you as more than just a dear friend.~~

_I am not going to send this letter._


End file.
